※Original blog was written in Japanese. I translated into English with Google translate.
I have been told by my workplace boss etc. several times "You are in a hurry for life"
For example, in the business or career, the desire to get results quickly could be seen from the boss's eyes.
However, if I was told that I had such an idea by nature, I don't think so.
Looking back, when I was in puberty, I couldn't really focus on anything, but rather, I wasn't stably enjoying every day, but I felt asexually empty. Nether I enjoy school life much.
And at the time of puberty, I wanted to fill in my own gaps, and I was looking for movies, books, and online, looking and reading.
At this time, it is undoubted that touching various information has influenced my current thinking, but in conclusion, I couldn't find out especially what I am strongly interested in.
But thanks to that, my feelings of impatience that I shouldn't do this are gradually becoming clearer, and I'm going to study at least now to prevent myself from becoming miserable in the future. There were times when I thought, and there were twists and turns, but a few years later I was able to enter a good university which drive my parents feel comfortable enough.
When I decided to enter university, I remember that I was more satisfied than I expected somehow.I thought I could finally get "something certificated".
Well, anyway, although the university was decided, the faculty I entered was a business administration department, so when reading some books related to business, their contents stimulated my intellectual curiosity and self-esteem. I figured that business might be the best way to fill my emptiness.
Nevertheless, I did not start a business because my ability was mediocre, had no idea or passion. As an alternative approach, I got some internships for about six months in several companies to get to know the business. It's not like a company recruiting, it's more like a part-time job.
At that time, I didn't feel like working enthusiastically with people who had a venture mind. At that time, my workplace was all people with a calm atmosphere. (Well, most workplaces are.)
I realized that the business was "slower and harsher" than I thought, and that was a huge notice to me at the time, and I'm still glad I noticed at that time.
On the other hand, I'm glad I noticed that, but the impatient feeling that I haven't found anything I can do is still going on thinking like trying to start a business,entering a sophisticated company,getting a MBA, or becoming a programmer.
So, I often consulted with my internship boss or the superiors of other communities. At that time, as in the beginning, he said, "you are in a hurry for life?"
At the time, I naturally assumed that I should rush to get results quickly. In addition, everytime they said to me such a thing, I thought "at least I have to hurry to catch up with you.", because many of them were from cool companies, and so-called successful people.
After that, there was a lot of twists and turns, so I didn't do a job hunting, but I was invited by a company I knew, but after a while I joined the company, I found "I can't continue to keep my mind" .
There wasn't no paticular negative event to break my hearts, but an idea that suddenly came down during daily working. However, I didn't give up and be desperate. I just thought that "if I keep my minds I will still be empty for a long time from now on".
So, I thought I have to change my mind instead of keeping in hurry, but not giving up everything(I'm not sure, but do you know what you mean?)
This does not mean that I want to live a stable life in the future. I mean I have to take a long time span and needed to face myself.
I think that it is not suitable for me to keep making effort desperately for succeess while facing myself. I hope that the amount of information that can be touched should be as small as possible, and that I take my time and face myself.
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