I think I'm fairly sensitive to wording and manner.
Not that I know etiquette or have a rich vocabulary — I like careful language and behavior, and conversely I don't like sloppy communication.
Small nuances and expressions catch my attention.
So I keep distance from people who communicate with malice, and I sincerely admire people who are skilled at consideration.
Pleasant communication makes me feel truly happy.
Malicious communication hits me hard, and I dwell on it more than most.
I could just write it off as "there are people like that," but I keep remembering it and feeling unsettled for a while.
Lately I saw wording and behavior I liked and was a bit moved, so here's that.
There are surely many examples; two come to mind now, so I'll write those.
①
The other day I went for my first-ever head spa, something I'd been curious about.
During the initial counseling, the person asked why I'd chosen that salon.
I said I'd found it online, and mentioned something that had caught my eye while searching — feedback on wording on their homepage that wasn't directly about the treatment.
A bit presumptuous, but thinking it might help marketing, I shared a little marketing knowledge: "Sorry to digress, but… perhaps improving it like this might help."
Then I worried about becoming the customer who drones on about something the other person doesn't care about, so I wrapped it up quickly.
Sensing I looked apologetic, the therapist said very warmly, "If it's all right, may I hear a little more?"
With that invitation I shared a bit more and we finished.
During the treatment the voiceovers were kind throughout, so I went home feeling I'd learned something about communication.
The word choice and tone of "If it's all right, may I hear a little more?" were perfect — I was moved.
②
There's a salon I go to often.
The same person always cuts my hair, and I always admire how carefully they communicate.
While working on me, other assistant-like people kept coming over and whispering — probably updates on other cutting jobs.
They must have been busy, so I didn't mind at all — but the stylist answered with something like, "Mm, mm, I see. Thanks. Yeah, yeah." Hard to put into words, but unhurried, careful with every reply.
That manner didn't make either the messenger or me as the customer uncomfortable.
The return to cutting afterward was smooth too, and I thought it was good.
That salon overall — including other stylists — seems full of people who communicate well.
My stylist said they've worked there a long time, so maybe it's a good workplace.
(I've heard a hairdresser's work content doesn't change much wherever they go, so atmosphere may matter most.)
From experience, salons like hairdressers and places like dental clinics seem to have many people who communicate naturally.
On the other hand, even in customer-facing work, hotel fronts and restaurants may have fewer.
Why? One reason is probably longer communication time per customer.
In short: familiarity. Skill at communication (especially businesslike communication) is a result of practice.
Sometimes, when you're about to ask something, the moment you start speaking someone's face stiffens and they listen half-startled.
Personally I really dislike that situation. I get nervous too.
The difference from the people above is simply familiarity — volume of communication time per person.
Finally, shifting a bit: an episode from when I noticed what kindness is.
Years ago I was on a drive with friends. Four of us; I was in the passenger seat.
A friend in the back casually said, "Isn't it kind of cold?"
The A/C was probably strong.
There was a short exchange: "You think so?" "Well, not freezing or anything."
Without thinking much, I turned the nearby vent so the air wouldn't hit the back seat.
The friend who was driving and chatting said to me, "Oh, that's kind."
I was surprised.
He'd been talking with the back-seat friend and my motion barely should have been in his field of view — yet he noticed right away and said that.
Turning a vent might not even have helped the cold much — but he took the trouble to say it, and I was struck by how considerate he was.
Incidentally he can look like someone who communicates roughly, but he can do these small kindnesses; you can't dislike him. That's why(?), maybe, he's popular with the opposite sex.
Since then I've thought kindness is being able to notice someone's kind behavior or feelings — and I want to become someone who can notice other people's kindness.
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