I thought I might not write again this year, but I got a little breathing room and managed to.
Or rather, the last post felt a bit downbeat, and I did not want the year to end on that — so I felt I had to write one more.
A few things I have been thinking about lately.
・Two things I noticed while listening to a friend's work worries.
I listened and tried to encourage him in various ways.
What hit him hardest was when I quoted something he had once said to me when I was down.
In other words, I just gave him back his own past words. It seemed to click for him, and he thanked me a lot. Above all, those were the words that had saved me when I was struggling, so I was glad.
When you are worried, you lose sight of yourself and basically cannot think clearly. You forget how you thought when things were going well.
Needless to say, those words reflect that person's own thinking, so as advice they land the easiest.
And another notice: that friend said something to the effect of "You're mentally strong, aren't you."
I had no such sense of myself — if anything I think the opposite. Incidentally, if "mental" means stress tolerance, I am very aware of being weak.
But if I look strong mentally, I wondered why, and something came to mind.
I am basically a pessimist. Because of that, when something bad happens, the downside is relatively small.
It is within expectations. Not something to brag about — and in the end I do not think I am mentally strong either.
・I have been given the chance to do something like mentoring for a few people. A couple of things I noticed there.
In mentoring, the premise is that without trust, the conversation will not go well.
Except in cases where the mentor has overwhelming results and the mentee is at max growth drive and wants every critique and tip — building trust is essential.
That reminded me I wrote a similar post about a year ago. Feel free to read it: In the end, it is trust.
Even if you mean well and advise what the other person needs, without trust it means almost nothing.
People receiving mentoring may want to change or become something — but underneath they do not want others pointing things out, and they only want to hear what they want to hear.
Next: sometimes I give advice and from their expression it does not seem to land, and I think I took the wrong approach.
But if we keep mentoring, it turns out they had taken it in more deeply than I expected.
Often it is just that their face and reactions are not big — and I feel relieved that I helped a little.
Inferring someone's feelings from surface reactions alone is not a good idea.
That is about it. Done.
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