The other day I went to Okinawa.
The representative at a client company planned it, and seven of us from the team I belong to went.
Of course until then the relationship had been mainly work — some members I had gone drinking with — but this time, aside from sandwiching in meetings, it was almost a private trip.
We got in the sea, ate, drank a lot — among the few Okinawa trips I have taken in my life, it was the most fulfilling.
Combined with Okinawa’s unique resort climate, it was a very fulfilling trip.
Okinawa is naturally cheaper than going abroad, yet local food is varied and delicious, a beach is about a 30-minute drive away, people are kind — satisfaction as a travel destination should be quite high worldwide.
We drove a lot; everyone sits facing the direction of travel, so it is not face-to-face — interpersonal pressure drops — and the car’s motion has a just-right relaxing effect; it suits divergent conversation.
(※ Apparently there is a rhythm called 1/f fluctuation; train sway and flame flicker are said to create a relaxing effect. I looked at the principle on Wikipedia and still did not really get it.)
With lots of driving and meal time, in an open setting, I had many chances to feel other people’s values — a few memorable things I want to write.
- Whether you are interested in people
In the drinking mood, the topic turned to exchanging improvement points about each other.
Among them, as my flaw I got words (an evaluation?) like: quite dry, seems uninterested in people.
I had thought I was rather interested in people, so the gap between self-evaluation and others’ evaluation surprised me a lot.
Before, in another setting, when the talk was whether you like people, I had felt something similar — I had the self-image that I like people.
But receiving that feedback, revisiting the question, I thought again: I do not particularly like people. Of course it depends on the situation.
I am very interested in what someone has experienced in life so far, and what brings them joy and sadness.
But I am not interested in people themselves. What is the difference?
Like many people, I get tired being with people for long stretches.
I have no resistance talking to someone for the first time and am not shy — but again I felt I am not particularly interested.
Still, the point here seems less “whether you are interested in people” and more “why do people think you are not interested — how are you being seen that leads there?”
For example, if I am easy to read when I am not interested in a topic — that can be because I really am not interested, and also because I go quiet while thinking “I see…” for a while, so I look uninterested.
I have zero intention of doing the annoying work of controlling how people see me, but separating objective evaluation of myself from fact, I realized I had not thought much about why I am seen that way.
Still, it is a pretty interesting thought exercise, so when I am free on the move I want to try thinking: “How does so-and-so see me, why, and where does that differ from self-evaluation?”
- High-context culture
Related to the above: one member said, to put it extremely, they want to say what they think clearly, and even if it creates conflict, deepen mutual understanding.
In other words, a value where conflict itself is not especially unpleasant.
It was a good chance to notice again the obvious: there are all kinds of people in the world.
I even felt envious that they probably do not feel the stress I tend to carry — and of course on the other side, there are worries they tend to carry that I do not feel.
Saying what you think without reading the room is often treated as a culture startups recommend, but thinking about working as a team, in my experience it is a quite costly approach. I do not take that method.
Saying things without reading the room as the ideal — is that really so? I put a question mark on it. Organizations that claim “we have a no-reading-the-room culture” have never actually been that way in my experience. Often only some decision-makers say whatever they want.
With trust it should work. That is why conflict easily arises between founding members and people who join after growth — trust with later members is not enough yet.
Also, as a premise: saying what you want, unless you yourself have ability and decision authority, simply becomes ego and causes trouble.
Either way, with trust you can manage somehow — so if you are going to say what you want, you have to somehow secure that with some kind of collateral.
Anyway, setting aside whether that method is right or wrong for now, what I noticed again on this topic is that I am a high-context-culture type of person.
Extremely put: you should get it without saying it; I will not click with people who do not get it unless you say it. I want to go by vibe.
Because we do not expect too much of each other, if roles are clear, things should go smoothly both ways.
I know it is hard, but I want relationships where we fill gaps with imagination — people with imagination are easier to work with.
- Distinguishing “cute”
I like American miscellaneous goods/toys, and I like American design.
Okinawa, as American Village shows, has many American-design buildings, and local goods like Orion Beer and Spam often look American-ish too.
Part of why I like Okinawa is that American design overflows there.
Someday I thought I want to live in Okinawa, ride a Harley, and stroll American Village. (I do not even have a large-bike license yet.)
At a certain parking area there were capsule toys.
Looking at them, one member pointed at an Orion Beer goods capsule and asked, “Do you think this is cute?”
“Yes! I think it’s cute!” Then they pointed at another capsule: “This?” “This is cute too!”
“What about it is cute?” “Hmm, what about it, I wonder.” That kind of conversation.
In short: I had never tried to put “cute” into words.
Abstracted, I felt I want to distinguish and verbalize what “liking” is.
Design is especially hard to verbalize.
Even saying I like American design does not mean I like Marvel-ish design.
Slightly uncool, round designs are cute.
Chiikawa, which I wrote about on the blog before, I did not enter through liking the design — before watching the anime I did not particularly like the character design.
Looking at the figures and goods I own, and designs of artists I like, I will try distinguishing what is cute.
That is all. Topics about values seem full of self-contradiction, and the more you think the more it depends on case and situation — obvious stuff — so midway through writing it gets annoying.
Was it annoying to read? Thanks for reading. Please read the next one too.
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