Separating facts from feelings is important.
It helps with mental control, and it is essential for solving problems too.
I know that separating facts from feelings matters, but I am bad at it and need training.
Even so — knowing it in your head is not enough to practice it easily; I am not mentally mature enough yet. A lot of it comes from experience, so I just have to keep gathering experience without rushing.
I recently had that insight again, but what I really wanted to write today is the premise for getting there: worries and fuzzy thoughts are best taken, as much as possible, to people who seem likely to have answers.
I am lucky to have several people around me I can trust and ask when I am stuck.
Recently I finally had a slow two-person talk with the person who was the trigger for me going independent as a sole proprietor.
Despite results so huge that someone like me should not casually get near, he always faces me sincerely — a tea-boy about twenty years younger.
Even when I talk in messy, vague feelings, he always gives clear advice that lands.
As a baseline, he can thoroughly separate facts from feelings, and I am reminded how immature I am.
The experiences he shares also have depth; I feel an overwhelming gap and something like embarrassment.
For example, something happened in an organization I belong to that looked like it might tilt things the wrong way.
I was not a direct party, but my heart still got unsettled.
I stepped in to help, but it did not fully resolve on the spot, and it stayed on my mind for a while.
I asked him about that case a few days later.
He answered immediately, hitting the key points: "In a case like that..."
He also shared a similar experience of his own. That was hugely educational.
Talking with him — forgive the tired phrasing — the depth of what he anticipates and the depth of his resolve are large.
Leaders who have grown organizations have tremendous capacity; I am always astonished.
(Also a digression: long ago I wrote Debating at a lunch set-meal place. The gist: whether you can debate even at a daytime set-meal place is one of my criteria for a comfortable relationship.
True to form, with him — the moment we say a light hello, I can jump into the real topic and spill my worries, and he immediately joins the discussion. Very comfortable.)
As above, getting these insights was good, of course — but the prior step is: what you are thinking and worrying about should be taken, even if it is not neatly organized, to the right person as it comes up.
You should not waste someone's time for no reason — but stewing alone or just dumping worries on friends does not solve anything, and in the worst case your feelings rot with no answer ever coming.
For now, talk a lot about what you are thinking, at the right timing. Open up. Then listen a lot, and arrive at conviction through that process.
The insight and the answer matter, but the whole flow is precious. People you can do that with are rare. I am very grateful.
© 2022 ZUUHE