When I know people who seem like they'd get along, I try to connect them proactively.
In the previous post I wrote that I often connect friends with friends — and I had more thoughts on that, so I decided to write this.
In short: even if you connect people, that time isn't necessarily valuable for the person being introduced.
Whatever you do, you shouldn't become the kind of person who connects friend A with friend B and then deludes yourself into thinking you've "given."
If it leads to work and the person clearly received a job thanks to the intro, maybe that's a different story — but
A common pattern: within two sentences someone starts going, "I know ○○ at such-and-such company..." without being asked, and launches into network-bragging. Unbearable to watch.
What even is that?
If there's natural context, no problem — but there are so many people who, regardless of the conversation, shift the topic just to start that talk.
It's not only boring to listen to — you lose a lot of trust: "Ah, this person lacks confidence," "They're low enough on intelligence to prioritize approval over the flow of conversation." Really, be careful.
That said, when I introduce people, I do it at a "if you like" temperature — someone who might help with their problem, or a useful reference for a similar direction ahead. But after writing the last post, and writing this far, I got anxious: was that time actually useful for them?
From my own experience, what comes to mind offhand:
・In high school I was studying for medical school, and an acquaintance introduced me to someone from the University of Tokyo — "their study methods might be useful" — and we talked.
・After university, there was a period when I wanted to go to the US, and while traveling a local guide set up a meeting with Japanese people working there under the vague category "people working overseas."
・For work, someone said they'd introduce a famous business owner, invited me to drinks, and I went
There are others, but the above ended up not useful. None of them were things I'd asked for.
Of course I share blame for not making the time valuable — but if the people who introduced me thought "I introduced you — I provided value," that would be wildly off the mark. Better off sleeping.
The other day I also got "Are you free on ○○? I think I can introduce someone who could become a client" — appreciated, but I declined.
Simple reason: I don't trust that person much, and I don't get along with them. The moment the message arrived, I decided to say no.
So what's the bar for a meaningless introduction?
・The relationship with the introducer isn't that deep to begin with
・They don't understand the need, introduce for the sake of it, and the point gets blurry
・Give-and-take between the people being introduced doesn't hold
Something like that, maybe.
At minimum, introducing someone means taking their time — so I want to at least check whether the above is covered before I introduce.
Writing this far, the act of introducing itself has started to sound a bit negative — but plenty of good connections have come from introductions, and there are many people I'm indebted to who introduced me out of care for me. My gratitude to them is endless; I try never to be disloyal about it.
It's not good or bad at the level of each introduction — I think the biggest factor is trust in the introducer: "If this person is introducing someone, it'll be fine."
Finally, above all, as I wrote at the top: let's not cling to the embarrassing delusion that "I introduced someone, so I gave."
p.s.
Totally unrelated — the other day at a jazz concert, there was an audience member who, at the end of every song, shouted something like "Foo!!" a beat early.
Not only jazz — classical, rock, any concert probably has this type.
Cheering itself is fine. From the performers' side, having someone who's into it is probably welcome.
But when someone cheers a beat early at the end of every song, you start to feel the intention of playing "the excited audience member," and it creeps you out. If that's the case, please stop shouting for your own one-sided need for approval.
At least, people came to hear the music — once the act makes other audience members uncomfortable, I feel it's a nuisance. Or should we be more tolerant and say live shows are like that?
I feel like it thins out the aftertaste of the music, so to me it's a nuisance.
Different in nature, but I felt something similar to the approval-seeking of people who brag about their network regardless of context, so I remembered it and wrote it down.
Sorry to end on a rant.
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